FfffppppPPPPfffFFFtTTTTtttt ... squeak ....
.... and God farted.
And, from that fart was born the Milky Way ... a swirling mass of stars and orbs circling a flaming mass ... certainly you can relate ... peer into the clockwise swirl that disappears into a black hole ... a swirling watery universe that swallows the creation of the day no matter how satisfying that creation was when ingested.
pffdfttttdd.... squirt ... pfft ...
There you are... on a clockwise-spiraling mass destined for the black hole. Clockwise, unless you are in Australia.
Have you put it together yet? Do I need to alienate myself further by drawing the picture?
No? Good.
Goodnight, thanks for reading .....
Why are you still here?... Damn, glutton for punishment, eh? Ok, well. don't hold this against me ... these are my thoughts, no one made you read 'em ...
The Universe, God, to many, Farted ... and spewed from the sphincter of the almighty were dingleberries ... Holy dingleberries ... Dingleberries that would meld with belly button lint and create a magical planet that would spawn a race of people capable of scratching, picking and discarding everything that felt, smelled and sounded different than what their ass and belly found different.
Pffft ... (silent but deadly) ... and God placed upon his creation a coin. A single token, meant for Adam ... *Biblical annotation - "...and on the third day after creating Eve from the rib of Adam, God created the coin, a means for Adam to enjoy Eve's god-given attributes as she straddled the Tree of life to the tune of 'Thy Baby Hath Posterior'...... and Eve placed the coin upon her belt and gave change, sixpence, to Adam for his loving admiration....."
... and the coin was insufficient, a slug, and Eve admonished Adam as there was a two apple limit in the Garden ....
Pfffttttff ... "a 'do-over'", God said. "How can I propogate perfection and my own greatness with these two dumbasses? Don't eat the apple... that's all I asked..." Jeeezus ... I need a cosmic 'Delete' button ...
Oh, well, let's see where this goes.... After all, I gave them an appendix... oops... I think I got the brain part all figured out ..."
..... Fast forward a few millenia ... God has lightened up a bit. Adam lost a rib and sense of self ...
Trial and error ... that's how the God of Adam rolls ... "Apples, what was I thinkin'?," said the Ultimate power of Everything. 'An Apple? Weak. I didn't give humanity a chance ... Oh well, no matter ... my bad. I'm allowed to fuck up... I'm the Ultimate 'Say So,'
... But Adam was old ... with sons who chose to live their own lives ... Spoiled children who witnessed the weaknesses and failures of their father ... and those children were the first to extend the middle finger to the father.
'Damn you, Eve!," has been exclaimed inummerable times since that day in the Garden ... A promised eternity of pleasure and ecstasy derailed by a moment of hunger ...
...Pffftttttsss..PPPPffFFFttt ... Apples are pure fiber.
The moral? God never intended for his creation to fart but he allowed it. Satan, as a serpent, incited a desire for fruit (apples), which ensured mankind would endure through proper nutrition.
So what that a little fiber moves through the digestive system in a harsh way? That's what we get for eating apples and nibbling at banana leaves ...
Pfffttt ... arrrffttt... Amen.
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