A Rare Excerpt From The Westboro Baptist Church

The following is an excerpt taken from a Westboro Baptist Church addendum to the Living Bible that they supposedly live by on a daily basis.

......... and it was said, "thou will do as thou is told.".... so, it was done that way. .... "when Monitaqa did not do as told, she was made to feel as if she was less than worthy than the other women, and forced to have her tongue pierced and forked and made to live amongst the other women of the flock who often laughed and sang at night as if possessed...."

.........and it was implied, "thou shalt revere a certain way of thinking based upon a certain way of thinking that a certain group of people have been thinking over a vast number of years that is also based upon a teaching that was supposedly handed down by me, your God and leader, the chosen one, way back in a time of sandals and togas....." .... "and man shall follow one man who will know everything. And this man will say all of the right things, know all of the right words and be worthy of respect because of his place in the community.".......

........ and it was implored, "thy God requires each of his followers to donate at least, AT LEAST. ten percent of his or her weekly salary (daily is preferred) to go towards 'the cause'. As a result of the Great Implosion, your Lord lost a great deal of his monetary universal investments and requires each of his remaining creations to contribute towards their survival. *The contribution of funds in no way guarantees the survival of natural disasters such as hurricanes, floods, volcanic eruptions, global warming, earthquake or sudden shifts in magnetic polarity.....

....... and Jesus, being who he thought he was, admired Fred Phelps, knowing that one day Fred would descend upon the earth to free mankind of its sins of humanity. So, Jesus, being humble, says that he claimed the seat in heaven next to God knowing fully well that Fred is the being that smacked his galactic paws together and created the Universe. Knowing that Fred, spelled backwards, Derf, is the Source of universal energy that powers each and every atom in this great and colossal creation. .....

......... and..... "Wednesday shalt be KFC night at the covered-dish 'Mommy's Night Out' in the Phelp's  Family Recreational Hall. Potato Bowls are appreciated. Tots are forgiven. .... "So let it be written, so let it be done."