Who Is That Guy, Anyway?

Where did Jeff go? The happy guy who always had a joke for everything has seemed to have taken a leave of absence.

Well, at least that's what I'm being told.

First off, 'happy' is a misnomer when it comes to the bipolar mind. Happy is an adjective. Now, I've experienced joy and even have a source of joy, but happiness is elusive and fleeting. So, when Jeff isn't laughing and happy, there must be a problem.

I could read off a laundry list of reasons that my mind isn't playing fair these days. But, I won't. Not that I'm afraid to expose my list, you, the reader, know me better than that if you've been a reader of my blog for any amount of time. No, I choose to not expose myself to the inevitable comments by some who will say, "get over it", "we all have problems", "take your meds", "go to church", yada yada yada......

In short, I choose to not listen to those who don't know me, my mind, my thoughts, my problems, how my bipolar disorder comes into play, how the meds affect the body and mind, how my own spirituality in conjunction with all of the above affects my mind, not to mention the recent events in my life that I'm not sure if I'm dealing with or not, ie, my dad's passing.

So, Jeff isn't the happy camper he was back in early December. Add to all this other crap the fact that I'm rather intuitive and, *kablam* another aspect to the happiness equation is added. I sense change coming. Major change. I don't know what, where, when or how. But I know that a personal change is underway.

I'm not afraid. I'm anxious. A bit nervous. But unafraid. Maybe the change is the key to the happiness. Who knows?

I'm still Jeff. I still bring the funny. I'm just in a cerebral place. Hey, I like it but I don't. But, in the end, I think we'll all love it because whatever this change is is going to make things a lot better not just for me, but for many. I can feel it. There's a reason for the madness. Crazy is sanity for the masses and change is life for the sedentary.

Get ready. Happy Jeff is coming back better than ever. Changed for the better.