Monday, September 24, 2012

Let Them Eat Crow.

I'm sort of known for saying and doing the wrong things. Most times, I don't even know when I've done so. Just happens.... like the sun rises in the morning and farts happen after beans.... both can be beautiful things.

Yet, farts are often better. The sun always rises but the sky may be cloudy or you might live in Alaska and not see it for awhile. Fatrs, however, are always noticed, despite the weather. In fact, on a humid day, a fart will often make itself known more quickly.

On that note, I turn to crows. Black, feathered, claw-toed bastards and bastettes that seem to perch just outside my window each and every morning. Worse than roosters, these cawing, yawing, looking-for-love birds of no relevance wake me up every morning.
Of course, maybe it's partly my fault. I sleep with my windows open now that the weather is turning cooler, much like my demeanor. And, just outside my windows are flower pots that held poppies before the bastard black birds picked away all of he seeds.

So, at nearly six in the morning, each morning, after a long night of work and several hours of trying to fall asleep, I hear, "Caw, Caw, Caw"....... three requests for something, who knows what, just outside my window. And, for some reason I can't yet grasp, it's the only fuckin' animal sound in nature that my dog will not bark towards. My god, Shizzle will bark if he hears a gnat fart but not a big, black cawing bird. So, I have to get up, go to the window and yell at the damn birds.

Here's what I've learned.... yelling at crows only encourages them. If you yell at a '3-cawing' male, four '5-cawing' females show up. I don't know what they'e saying to each other but their vocabulary is quite limited and highly annoying. Much like listening to the Microsoft help line.

I killed a bird once, when I was a kid, with a BB gun. I swore I'd never kill another animal again. Despite my anally-challenged, highly-abnormal Shit-Zoo, I've stuck to my guns with my swearing.

But, these crows, these 'Spy vs. Spy' loudmouthed, cock-wannabees... they're making me rethink a trip to the sporting goods store for a shotgun purchase.

I'm thinking crow must taste at least a little like chicken.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

A Day Like Any Other

Just a day .... like any other. Some are good, some are really good. Some are bad, some suck, But, they're all nothing more than ticks on a clock, a day lasting no more than 24 hours.

I just happened to wonder what my son is doing today. In his 2nd week of college, undoubtedly still getting aquianted with his surroundings, meeting new people... overcoming fears.
I remember my first days away from home. I was fortunate though that both of my parents were just a single phone call away. My son... is two phone calls away ... and I'm not in either call. I miss my boy. I miss his smile. I miss his laugh.... and I miss his trust he had in me. I'd give every last quarter I've saved to make is life easier as he transitions from childhood to adulthood. But, he doesn't want my help, my concern or my love.

Funny thing is... he's just like me. An individual with short-sighted vision and a hard headed mentality bent on proving a point to everyone and especially to ones who hurt him.

That's ok. I can live with that. I can live with his snubbing me just as I have learned to live with my daughter snubbing me. But can they live with the knowledge that their snubbing doesn't stop me, despite all of my faults, and boy oh boy do I have faults, from loving and caring for them and being there for them no matter what life may bring their way?

You read my blog.... you know I'm a pretty messed up guy in many ways. My thinking doesn't adhere to most people's standards. That's ok with me. I'm not alive to adhere to anyone individuals' standards. Nor are any one of us ...

But, despite my faults, despite my thinking when it comes to life, religion, politics... whatever.... I love my son... and my daughter.

It's just another day.... another day without a response to a text, or a call that I've sent my kids. A day like any other. But even my mind, my crazy, bipolar, 'out there' mind, looks at every day... every day as the day my phone might buzz twice with a text reply to my reaching out....

I don't stop living knowing I'm despised. I live harder hoping to overcome the past.

Sorry to disappoint those expecting a humorous post, but hey, humor keeps me alive, so as I write this I have 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" playing in my head .... that, and I woke up this morning with the unexplicable repitition of the 'Gilligan's Island' theme song resounding through my noggin....

That said.... I love you, Avery and Anna. And no matter what happens in your lives, no matter what you may need, I'm here. Just like Robinsin Crusoe, as primitive as can be.....