Sunday, March 4, 2012

A Year Within Three Days

I'm not an overly-sensitive man. Really, I'm not. Sure, I shed a tear during emotional moments of House Hunters on HGTV and occasionally when a cat is rescued from a litter of 20, but other than that, I'm pretty steeled to the absurdities of life. It's not how I was born, it's how I've been molded.

I don't give credit to anyone in my life for having shaped me. I am who I am. I made myself who I am. I am the product of my own mistakes and successes.

Now, let me elaborate and perjure myself.

I nearly lost all that matters in life, at least to me, this week. I won't elaborate on the appointed court appearance that I leveled against my ex-wife in order to gain more time with my son. I won't elaborate on the near-loss of the love of my life over having settled that court appearance for a slim if none chance at having a relationship with my son. That's my elaboration.

I won't elaborate on the near-instant mindshift of career-change when the woman who believed in me and hired me left her position due to being overworked and underappreciated.

I won't elaborate on the unconditional love and acceptance of a mother, father, sister and wife who, despite my faults, continue to accept a bouncy bi-polar man into their lives without judgement.. Ok, so maybe that is worth elaboration..

I won't elaborate on a cold-hearted ex-wife who sees my attempts to regain a relationship with my children as an attempt to tarnish her gold-plated exterior image.

What I will expound upon is my gratitude for everything that I've just mentioned. This week has been the epitome of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. And, I appreciate it.

Why Jeff? Why would you say such things?

Well, garsh dangit,, because I'm now a stronger person. I don't need to curse to show I'm a strong person. I've done enough of that for an army of fuckin' afghans in a poppy field under friendly fire... No, I'm stronger because I made choices that made me stronger even though those choices showed weakness. I'm stronger because I won. I won my inner war, Not the war with an ex. Not the war with ungrateful children. Not the war with anyone other than myself. I won the war within myself. I finally beat the cancer which is fear and uncertainty.

No one will understand this, but I won the war that is me. I won myself back. I'm my own Guam.. It took too much money and too many arguments and a few too many tears but I'm me again. Despite my bi-polar mind, I'm me and I'm proud of being me and no one can take that from me.

By now you're asking, "Where's the funny part?" I always have a funny part. It's where it's always been. Just ask my wife.

I win again.


  1. You showed no weakness. You did the right thing. You are the better person. You did not kill your soul by sinking to her level. You did the strong thing because that's who you are.

  2. Reading this blog makes me so happy for you, and you're've won in more ways than you realize. Kelly is right and isn't it wonderful that she loves her brother. Thank you, Jeff, we love you too.

  3. Dear anonymous 3/13/12... it's people like you and your slanted, misguided view of life that make this a world of bigotry and hatred. Have a nice day.