Saturday, November 9, 2013

Too Personal, but what the Hell

"My rope doesn't have a square knot tied at its end."

"My rope is greased with KY Jelly. I could have said Vaseline, but KY Jelly is more my style. It's a slippery slide down that rope, but, by god, at least it's pleasant."

"It's when you get to the end and there's no foothold that there is a slight problem. Can anyone relate?"

"I climb and climb but with every hand over hand advance, my feet slip and I fall a few inches lower than where I started."

These are words taken from the Dead Sea Scrolls. It seems the Essenes not only had the same problems, but that KY Jelly is older than we once thought. It was first mentioned in the Book of Harold by Mary Magdalene. Hell, it was found in a clay jar in a cave.

"And so, by my slickness of thighs and coolness of nether regions, I shall bless this ointment. I shall call it Kumbah Ya. From hence forth it will be known as simply, KY."

That's my religious stupidity for the night. However, it might have happened that way and I'm sticking by it.

Here is my day to day, minute by minute update on the Big Man's plan for me: If there is a bearded man with an agenda, his agenda includes me as a pawn meant for severe punishment.

How many of you can relate to never getting a break? Never getting ahead in life, despite your best efforts? How many of you know that you are meant for something other than what you are doing.... or being more than what you are, but can't seem to reach that rung on the ladder?

I've been trying since an early age but no one understood me. That's ok.
I went to art school where I had to dumb myself down with substances in order to understand what the public wanted. So be it.

Now, the KY theory has jumped back into the picture. Kumbah Ya.

Don't take this personally, but humans are absolute idiots. Four fifths of the male population think that KY is a gay man's condom. I laugh at that.

I found this week that I've done everything I can in this lifetime. I've lived, I've loved, I've loved unconditionally. But I've never made an impact or made a difference in anyone's life.

That's a bitter pill to swallow. I gazed upon my medicine cabinet today and realized I'll be here a little longer. My doctors aren't idiots. But I also realized that I do more harm than good. Kumbah Ya.

My wife is not happy. That's my fault. I've brought stress upon her. I didn't know it, but how could I not? I'm a fucked up individual. I see trees as numbers and feel the changes in the atmosphere.

I love my bebe, more than anything, but she sure deserves a better, more stable life,

No amount of KY Jelly can do that. At least not in he long term.

So, I'll do what I do. On a daily basis that isn't a constant. But I'll try and make my wife the happiest person alive. Because she believes in me when I don't. And I believe in her when she isn't at her finest.

And on occasion, I'll scrounge for the KY,

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