Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Westboro or Amish?

It all starts with webbed fingers and hairy underarms. Oy. Soon follows a barn and perfectly tatted doilies and, if you're of the proper ilk, a headgear worthy of a queen.

This isn't you'r normal America. This is the land of handcrafted sleighbeds and barns that can withstand Armageddon. This is Amish country. This is is also a place that makes the religion of Westboro Baptist Church look like kindergarten compared to today's Notre Dame football program.

Doubt me? Then watch the debacle called 'Amish Mafia'.  Personally, I root for a killing at the end of each episode of 'Amish Mafia' just so there will be a picketing at the funeral by the fucktards of the WBC. I would pay money to be at that picketing, just to be on the front lines. Face it, dumbass versus dumbass. It would be just as exhilarating as being on Capitol Hill during a gun control debate, or as worthy of note as being in a debate of who is the better driver, Dale Jr. or Jimmie Johnson.

The Westboro Baptist Church has one thing going for it in it's universal stupidity. It's over-the-top in it's thinking and it doesn't hesitate in going the extra mile in showing, saying and doing, no matter how over the top the antics may be, to make a point, no matter how wrong the point the point is.

Don't get me wrong. If you've read any of my past blogs about these backwards-thinking hateful toejam-sucking degenerates, you know how I feel about them, but I give them props for working the system. They can even carry a Michael Jackson tune and I bet two quarters to a wooden nickel that one of the bastards can moonwalk.

But the Amish Mafia? Levi? The leader? This is a guy who is a guy who doesn't call out a guy to slash tires. He sends out a guy with a guy with a hacksaw to saw in half a buggy wheel because some guy sold a jar of apple butter on the side of road and took away two bucks from an Amish family who needed a new set of clothes pins. Levi looks like a guy who just came from JC Penney's bedding section after a day of White Sale madness.

Religion at it's craziness. Yet at the heart of Levi's Mafia madness is a man with tattoos. Heaven forbid. And a few guys who occasionally curse. God must be furious. I'm sure Fast Five Freddy Phelps and his WBC ilk have spraypainted signs at the ready and a caravan pointed towards Pennsylvania, aimed directly towards Levi and his Mafia.

Religion is hitting a new low. I didn't think it could think it could get any lower. Well, maybe I did. The first time I had had serious doubts was way back when Jim Bakker did the deed with Jessica Hahn. Then Jessica Hahn became, well, woof. And, I thought, ok, religion ain't all that. Then, Jimmy Swaggart, oh god, if he could get it, anyone can, Jimmy Swaggart, he faltered in the same way, but with no Jessica Hahn.

The seeds had been planted. Not that religion led to sex, although the Bible did teach that lesson... but that power, especially power through religion, leads to all sorts of inappropriate acts of self. Left on it's on, the mind will always drift to the dark side. Not that the dark side is always bad, but the dark side unattended is gonna always attract the dark side of other unattended dark sides.

That is how the entire Westboro Baptist Church was formed. Maybe not in in the beginning, but ultimately. Same with Congress.

And so it will be with the Amish Mafia. Ultimately, they will own a Clydesdale. Game over. Next, a 4-wheel-drive buggy. No one will be safe. Oh yeah, Levi will cut himself shaving and incur a scar. A scarfaced Amish man. No barn-raising man north of Maryland will be safe.

Why is this all happening? Religion. The greatest man-man hindrance to harmonious living that mankind has ever encountered.

However, as a result of some's adherence to godly quality, you can get some damn good furniture.

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