Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Be not afraid ... Be not at all afraid...

I hate spiders. I really do. Spiders are the most repulsive creatures that ever emerged from a silken sac of love. Not only do I hate spiders but I fear them. I fear that they will emerge from their hellish homes behind my bed's headboard and scurry towards my slumbering body. Wait, there's more .... Once they see that I am positioned on my side, they will dart towards the one opening that beckons... my ear... and enter the cavernous confines of the ear canal to lay eggs ....

Once laid, the eggs grow and multiply until finally, they erupt into a flow of baby spiders that tickle my brain and scurry within my inner workings until they drive me insane ...

Now, there's an irrational fear. No matter that it really happened to me, I think ... It's irrational.

Extreme fears are fears that tend to be irrational and irrational fears are fears tend to be determiners of who we become.

Fear is natural. Fear is a survival instinct. but, fear should never define us. Fear of failure... fear of rejection... fear of hurt ... fear of being ridiculed.... Nah, these aren't natural fears. Basically, anything that another human can do to you shouldn't incite fear. I'm not talking about the gun that is being aimed at you... shit yeah, that causes fear... but the dumbass holding the gun isn't to be feared. Until the gun is fired, you are in control.

In one's life, everyone else holds the gun. A boss. A spouse. An ex. Kids. Cops. Government. Banks. Yourself.

Fear is the one thing that never loosens it's grip on any of us. I feared fingering the 'submit' button after writing a blog blasting my children for their uncaring, selfish nature that is based upon, what else? Fear.
Without fear, in a manic state, I dismissed a life of luxury in order to find comfort and, I found all I was wanting and needing but also found fear.
Yet, fear allowed me to find safety and acceptance. Fear is a companion. A companion that nurtures growth. It is how I face fear that determines who I become.

Fear is an ally and I can now use fear as a strength. I know my fears and my fears feed my strengths and my strengths cannot grow unless my fears grow as well. My fear of being alone feeds my appreciation of the love I have for family and Pam. My fear of being dismissed by my children fuels my drive to educate others about the horrors of bi-polar disorder. My fear of Jersey Shore feeds my letters of appreciation to the REELZ Channel for reruns of Cheers. The circle of Life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that every individual has a fear ... no, many fears... rational and irrational. But, fears are not meant to stop thought and word and action... they are meant to cause thought and word and action...

We are born as individuals, to act as individuals.... to think and speak... to hurt and help ... to fear and grow.

Be you. No one else but you.

I fear no reprisals....

But, I still hate spiders.

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