Many have speculated throughout the years as to the greatest invention of all-time. The invention that has enabled mankind to evolve and flourish, enable a boom in intelligence, financial gain and a source of mankind's survival.
A recent documentary labeled the wheel as the greatest invention that mankind, or mankind's puppeteers, has ever engineered. When you stop and think about it, that might be a correct assessment. Wheels enable movement, cogs are wheels that power enormourous force. Wheels enable us to move at many times the speed of our own two flat feet. Wheels are everywhere. Shit man, it's a circle. And circles are universally known for unstoppable movement.
But allow me to back up for a moment and elaborate on the worst invention of all time. Yes, the worst invention. And no, it's not The Clapper. Nor is it the Snuggie, the Chia Pet, although the Chia is a damn fine invention.
The worst invention of all time, in my book, is........ the wheel.
Sure, it rolls. I can set my watch to one. REO Speedwagon had a helluva fine song revolving around it. But, I have an issue with the wheel. Not just one wheel, but four of them rolling in tandem and oftentimes with torque.
The wheels I'm referring to follow me too closely and quite often linger too closely in front of my wheels due to not quite enough torque being applied. You see, all of these wheels carry us from one destination to another in the form of a motorcar, car, automobile or asshole transporter...however you choose to refer to it.
I'm of the opinion that if Albert Einstein, arguably one of the most intelligent men to ever walk amongst us, were to strap himself into a car, his IQ would drop by at least 200 points. Face it, most of mankind doesn't have 200 points of IQ to lose but most of them do own a car. And, when the most intelligent of people buckle that seatbelt, or in the case of rednecks tighten that slipknot at the waist, fire up that engine and aim themselves towards their destinations in whatever make and model of their choosing, their love and compassion of fellow mankind flies out of the window as fast as the fingers they extend when the person ahead doesn't move quickly enough after the light turns green.
The wheel. The greatest hindrance to harmonious living since organized religion. And even religious types aren't immune from the wrath of the wheel. Who hasn't seen minivans sporting 'Jesus Fish' decals or license plates with some Bible verse suddenly have an extended arm, voice or threat directed towards them due to the driver's supposed way of thinking how those wheeels should roll. Faster or slower. Stopped or moving.
It's quite apparent to me that humankind is capable of living harmoniously is we are all able to make it to our divine destinations without delay. Damn thee, wheel. You deny humankind harmonious living. Sure, we can call it road rage, impatience, whatever. What it comes down to is the fact that we are all individuals with our own agendas and time is our enemy. And, when we combine pride, agenda and time with a wheel, or four wheels, we are all pricks with a disdain for humanity. And furthermore, if you disagree with me, you're fooling yourself.
Know what's worse? Bicyclists. Talk about a sense of entitlement. And why do they all wear spandex?
Wheels will be the downfall of mankind. Not global warming or nuclear war. Wheels.
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