Friday, September 20, 2013

Howling at the Moon

Ah, life. The old gray mare she ain't what she used to be. I'm talkin' about life. I feel I have to clarify due to the fact that a certain wonderful woman will be reading this and will undoubtedly come to me asking is she's the 'old, gray mare' if I do not clarify otherwise.

I was backtracking through some of my past writings here on this blog. I have to say, there is some damn good writing, some crap writing, some things I do not really remember writing, and quite a few things I regret writing.
I started this blog not as a public forum but as a place for me to put my inner self out. I began this in a very weird and funky time in my enigmatic and funky life. A lot has changed. I can't believe how many people have read my ramblings, rants and innermost thoughts, fears and actions. Whether I've been right or wrong, people continue to read. Thank you, by the way. I hope my faults and fuck ups help somebody.

Anyway, back to life. I sat outside tonight and stared transfixed at a full Harvest moon. A big, bright full moon. I thought about stripping naked and running wild through the woods, killing chipmunks, wiping my ass with oak leaves and using crickets for earplugs but decided instead to play Dice with Friends on my iPhone. while reflecting upon life as the frogs burped close by.

Here I am, just four months from the half-century mark. That's age fifty for the slow people. There was a time when I would piss and moan about getting old. Hell, I probably did that today and I'll probably do that tomorrow. But, I realized that I'm thankful for a few things too. Not only did I realize this thankfulness, I realized this thankfulness as I was 'watering' the lower vegetation from the front porch. It dawned on me that, although I'm no longer the good-looking man of my youth, the thin man of several years ago, I still have a few things.

Sure, I may not have my 28 waistline anymore. But, I have salt and pepper hair. It's distinguished.
And yes, I lost my Hummer, my money my house, my kids, my first Harley, my pride and my sense of self to an extended bout of bipolar mania and subsequent divorce. Through fire steel is forged.

But yet, I'm thankful at 49 and 7/8 for these things:

1 - I have a great head of hair. A little thinning on top at the back, but overall, it's fuckin' great.
2 - I still have a great pee stream. My prostate is still in good working condition.
3 - I have bipolar disorder. That means I get prescriptions for my meds. Nyah, Nyah Nyah.
4 - Back hair. It's a backup plan for that thinning spot.
5 - Wisdom - Still workin' on this one.......

6 - Pam.

Number 6 and number 2 are pretty special. Number 3 goes without saying. I'll catch Hell for that comment. But, Pam knows me and she'll agree. I'll catch Hell for that comment too.

As I looked at that moon, howled, scratched my nuts and pulled my pants back on, I reflected on these thoughts. I can't believe I'm looking at the big 5-0. Literally, I can't believe it. I shouldn't be here, I should be floating in someone's photo as an orb on an episode of 'Ghost Hunters'.

Shhhh... Did you hear that? ..... footsteps......  Nah, just me, I gotta pee again.

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