Saturday, October 19, 2013

Real-time God Conversations.

"I like ya, but I don't love ya." Sayeth the lord.

"Ye shalt have to endure pain, heartache, frustration and anger in order to know the meaning of thy being..."

And BubbaCephus looked quizzically at his TV.

'Huh?' "well, I'll be a runned-over roadkill," BubbaCephus exclaimed.
"I ain't goin' to no more poles.. polls.. whatever.. to vote for no more people who ain't smart. Now, where's my Copenhagen dippin' snuff?"

And the lord dost sayeth unto BubbaCephus, "Hey, my creation.. tho' I scraped you and the rest of North and South Carolina from the barrel and tho' you are the urinal cake in the makeup of my creation, I shalt try to explain something to you."

And BubbaCephus, hearing this, said, "Huh? Speak English, dammit. This is 'merica."

And the lord shaketh his big head at BubbaCephus.
"What am I to do with my creation?" he exclaimed in a booming voice.

And Beelzebub snickered... "I did okay... hehehehe... what a stupid fuckin' thing you did giving a brain to humans."

BubbaCephus heard what Beelzebub muttered and said, "Huh? Is that you, Pat Robertson? Or anint' you my hero, Pastor Phelps?"

Upon hearing the reaction to Beelzebub's comment, thy lord decideth to speak directly to BubbaCephus through numbers. So, on a given Sunday in October, the lord placed a message. NASCAR is a God-given message-giving entity....

And BubbaCephus, seeing the 28 car trailing the 13 car which was rubbing the 6 car found a message in the decals

"Well I'll be a deer-guttin' somebeetch," said BubbaC... "Cialis can put the Midas brakes on life's problems if you use Castrol. I get it now! Thank you Jeezus!"

With this revelation, the BubbaCephus found that, despite his 3-wheeled trailer being stuck in a corner lot, he could go anywhere if he only looked for the signs... or, decals, in his case.

And with this revelation in the undeveloped world of his creation, the source god did saieth, "Jesus, if BubbaCephus can get a message through corporate advertising then so can the world's great governments. Especially that insignificant piss-ant of a creation country that has those fools that bow every Sunday morning and then watch midget porn after lunch."

........................ fast forward ..... BubbaCephus is now a state senator from South Carolina.

And god saieth, "Mother mary, somebeetch. What'd I do?"

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