Thursday, October 31, 2013

Roll On, Rollercoaster

Let me start this blog with what I feel should be the Bipolar National Anthem:

The Bipolar life. I've embraced it for the most part. It's been good to me with the exception of causing me to lose everything. Kids. Money. Self respect and sense of worth.

All negatives have positives though. I gained my sense of self. My sanity. I learned what unconditional love really is. Hell, I learned what love really is. I re-gained a relationship with my parents and sister after many years. Something that I'll forever look at myself in the mirror, and after cringing, tell my brain, "Thank You," since it gave me quality time with my dad before he passed.

My earliest memory of depression is as a young child, in elementary school. I have no idea why I was depressed. At that age there is no reason to be depressed unless you've eaten your last crayon. Yet, I remember sitting on the stoop (it's a small porch, for you rich folks), and my dad comes out and sits beside me, stares straight ahead, puts his hand on my shoulder and simply says, "You seem sort of blue."
That's all I remember. The rest of my memories are mania-driven which may have been depression-inspired. That same day, I may have not jumped the ditch on my bike and it pissed me off when my friend was able to do it and so, it sent me into a downward spiral. I don't know.

Everyday is a rollercoaster ride. Some days, it's all uphill. Others, it's a series of ups and downs like the Scooby-Doo rollercoaster at Carowinds theme park. Up, down, right, right, sudden left and a short dip under a makeshift mountain. Then, up a little mountain then around a curve, another curve, then down a steep hill and up a short incline before a short straightaway.

You've just ridden the Scooby Doo rollercoaster at Carowinds. Save your money, you know what it's like. But, know that in my mind that ride is constantly taking on new riders nearly twenty-four hours a day.

Maybe you understand. Most likely, you have no clue. My goal in life is to provide those clues to those who do not understand the ones like me.
You see, I belong to an elite club. Einstein, Michaelangelo, Da Vinci, Newton, Hemingway, Van Gogh. All Bipolar. The list is impressive. The rollercoaster may have even been conceived by Da Vinci, who knows?

Their rollercoasters took them to greatness when it slowed to a stop. Mine is still taking a turn but there are great things on the horizon. And if not? Well, I've done great things in the past.... so I've been told.

Life is a ride of some sort. Short and fast or slow and steady. Neither is bad as long as the life has meant something to not you, the one living it, but to at least one who knew you and at least one who didn't.

So I end this blog with the song that will take me from this world one day. And I encourage you to listen to the words and take them to heart. Despite your rollercoaster, life is a lovely cruise.

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