Saturday, October 26, 2013

War: Why Can't We Be Friends?

"Let's be friends."
"I'm your friend."

Here's an elaboration of the word: "Good Friend"

A six-letter word, Friend. When you add 'Good' to the mix you add a four-letter word.
Let me give the official definition of the word, Friend. I've not referred to official-ness often, so be aware that this shit I'm writing now is serious. Really, I'm not messing around. Grab your crotch and head bounce.


1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

Are you getting this? First off, let's scratch number 5 off of the list. Unless you are a Quaker or member of the RSF (as I call my homies) we can put this one aside. I'll have my oatmeal tomorrow morning and do an in-air fist-bump to my Quaker buds.

Number 4? There are no friends within the same party or nation or nations' parties. The recent government shutdown was evidence of that. Unless it's a real party. That is different.  I'm pretty sure that 'pubs and 'dems would pass a bottle of Beam and sing to Skynyrd if given the chance. That is how government should be run anyway. Old school. Then, even the Tea Party is on board. God bless America, fuck the rest. I jest, of course.

Number 3 - We're gaining ground on what a friend is supposed to be and where I'm going with this.
 - 'a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?' - now we are going somewhere.

Friend or Foe? A person who is on good terms with another and not hostile. But for how long? A moment? A day? A year or a lifetime? And how do you know and what do you look for in a Foe? A foe is easier to spot. A curly mustache and a sinister laugh. Conical breasts and cold sores. Although that foe was easily beaten (thank you, pharmaceuticals). This is where my story is starting to formulate ... stay patient, it'll be good.

Number 2 - A person who gives assistance or a supporter. Like a giver to the Boston Symphony.

I love music but I'm not sure that I'd give assistance to the bassoon player if he needed his diaper changed. Let's face it, those guys and gals are talented but a few of them are a bit aged and 'Oops I Crapped My Pants' is not so funny of an SNL skit to some of them as it used to be.
However, the symphony isn't my point. Being a supporter is my point. One who stands behind you and supports your ideas and ideals because of a bond. Whether built over years or days, usually you know it when it is genuine, right? RIGHT? This is the most common type of friendship that people consider 'close.' I don't have any scientific data to prove it but it sure as shit makes sense to me. This is where most people get fooled, bamboozled and screwed. Sometimes all in one night.

Number One. - FRIEND: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

The most elusive of things. Cupacabra, Bigfoot and Yeti are more elusive and true friends. What makes them so difficult to find is the last two words in the definition: personal regard.

Here's my idea.. True friends are as elusive as the Chupacabra. You'll see one, maybe two in your lifetime. But..... well..... Join me, if you will, on a journey through a friendship example of my own.

I've always been a man, or boy when I was younger, unto my own. I have never wanted nor needed friends. No, let me take that back. I have never wanted to have anyone to tie me down in a friendship that I could never be an equal in the friendship. I'm not a 'join you by the fire' kind of guy.  The reason for that is that although I will be the first one there when you need help, I'm not the one that's going to be there every Friday night. This is why the guys in my Cul-de-Sac looked down upon me anywhere I went for years. I hated that shit. That isn't friendship.
But, I did have one friend. For several years we were close. We shared a lot and we went though much. He was and is a good man. I last saw him at my dad's funeral. It was the first time I'd seen him in maybe, oh, ten years. Yet, the friendship was there. Despite a few changes.... his hair, my belly and our ages... And then there were the philosophical changes. He became super-Christian. I turned from super-Christian to the darkside. Not really, I just embraced my spirituality differently.

We went from being 1980's whoremongers to 2013 'who the Hell are you?'ers.' Yet, when we saw each other, it was if a day from 1985, 1992... whenever the last time we saw or talked to each other, the friendship hasn't lapsed. He was my friend. Still is.

That is my only lifetime true friend. If he's reading, he knows who he is. He probably doesn't read my blog because it'll lead him to Hell, but just in case, Tom, love ya man.

Despite differences, a friend will stand by you and support you. If they say they will, then don't, they have nothing but their own best interests at heart and really put you back at a number 5. Hello, Quaker.

I have one other friend who meets this criteria. I married her two years ago. My second wife, my best friend. I'll spare you those mushy yada yada semantics. Just know that friends like this don't happen all that often.

"Where are you going with this, Jeff?," you ask.

I'll tell ya this. I thought I had a good friend a few weeks ago. I was fooled. I let my guard down, which I don't do that often.
As a result, I had to look at myself and who I am first and foremost. Then, I picked the shit out of the faults of myself then my supposed friend. I found I wasn't perfect but my friend wasn't a Number 1 or a Number 2 either. Hell, she barely made Number 4.

How can we be blindsided so easily? Easy. We need validation. That's why I carry a stamp in my car. I validate myself everyday. I'm good to go, everywhere I go. Validated.

Quite possibly this is why I never let anyone get close to me. Everyone is a disappointment, or, most everyone, when it comes to true friendship.
I might put off some of you with this as you read these words. Sorry about that. You should feel the same way. But I'll tell you this, If I've ever called you a friend, I meant it. Crank it up. If I ever told ya I loved ya, that's me putting myself out there.

Bottom line though.... as a friend, I'm always open to being a Quaker, ever a #2 or willing to be a number one if you don't come back and catheter me in the future.


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