Thursday, October 28, 2010

Word to Yo Mama

*Breaking Glass*  The text message startled me. I don't know why I don't change the sound for incoming text messages on my iPhone. Breaking glass? C'mon ... breaking glass screams of unwelcomed, unexpected messages tied to rocks a la Ernest T. Bass and Mayberry.

My phone normally stays on *vibrate* mode so that I don't disturb the many others that accompany me during the day ... my posse. Well, not really a posse but more of a conglomeration of paranoia and seclusion that have taken up residence within my head. The only texts I seem to get are from my bebe, Pam, my sister and my mom. There are the occasional spam texts but I look at those as validation that I'm still wanted for more than my unconditonal love and unusually huge  ... heart.

So this vibration came to me in the early evening ... from my mother. Love your mama, by the way. The text simply said "Are you embarrassed of us because we watch FOX news?"

Uh, huh?

Let me digress ... if I may .... I consider FOX News to be the antithesis of journalism as it was intended when the god of prose said, "Let thou recount thy days as as truth." In all fairness, I consider all news media to be biased. So shoot me... please. But no other news outlet employs an arsenal of talking heads that are as inspiring as FOX News.

Inspiring, they are. Hannity. Beck. O'Reilly. Van Susteren. Grace. No matter the time of day, a seemingly intelligent, informed voice is speaking of the injustices occuring in your town,  state, country and throughout the world.

As inspiring as these pundits my seem, the mainstay media do the same .. ABC, CBS, NBC, Comedy Central ... ok, maybe not Comedy Central, although I'd pay a premium for a Comedy Central News Channel .. it would be the most centered of anyone ..

Let me digress my digression ... the question .. "Are you embarrassed that we watch FOX News?" ... How do you answer that question?
I was slapped in the face. Not in a bad way but in  a parental way. I tend to speak my mind and voice my opinions, as you might have noticed. I will be honest ... every time I write ... every time I present a topic on 'Breaking Taboo' on every other Monday night, I hesitate because of innate voice that doesn't want to offend or embarrass the ones closest to me. C'mon ... I've endured great pain. I've taken rides in an ambulance after overdoses. I've joked to nurses in the E.R. about eating chalk. I've befriended those in jail cells that could have shanked me and I provoked them to do so.

So, why would, "Are you embarrassed that we watch FOX News?" strike me as sharply as a surprise attack on the bunghole in a jail-cell shower stall?

I have pondered this a bit ... and, after much thought, I have determined that I'm not as much a detached, tough, world-weary crazy fucker as I see myself as being.

Here is a woman that accepted my phone call from jail in the wee hours of the morning and found the resources to post my $50,000 bail. Here is a mother and father that recognized my faults, my self-described 'craziness' and wasn't ashamed to claim me as their own ... even after jail Even after the miserably-failed suicide attempts. Even after the many years of my inattention to them. Even during the pain of separation and divorce, my pride pushed them  aside. But they were not embarrassed that I was a 'disappointment' to the family and society.

So why, now, would my mother, who I hold in the highest regard for the tribulations she has endured with her own health and raising me (and my questionable sister ((love ya Kelly, you're a gift!)) ), ask if I am embarrassed that she and my dad watch FOX News? Obviously, I have done something wrong. Or, more likely, I haven't done something correctly. They should be telling me that my words and opininions ... my actions, are an embarrassment.

Then, it hit me ... they are proud of me. They appreciate my mind and my points of view that don't necessarily coincide with their own. An more than that, they want to know that, regardless of their own habits and personal views of the absurdities of the world, they are still accepted by the one they love the most. Their child.

What a momentous slap in the face this is. I despise FOX News and all it stands for and espouses. Yet, I love my parents for all they stand for and the acceptance they show for me and my personal views. They have never belittled me for my change of heart on Christianity ... spirituality. They have never condemned me for my vices that continue to plague me. They embraced me as I intoduced to them the woman that most would consider as a homewrecker because they knew that my 'homewrecker'' was my soulmate. They were never embarrassed.

Am I embarrassed that they watch FOX News? No. Why not? Back in another reality, I used to watch FOX News. I gained perspective from Hannity and O'Reilly. I grew in many respects from their insights. It took a near-death experience for me to reallize that FOX News is a necessity in this world of unrestained media. I no longer watch FOX News due to the fact that it is not a news outlet ... it is an opinion outlet.

But I'm not embarrassed that my parents watch FOX News. If they accept me and my extreme life then they can accept the fringe of society thay FOX News and other media declare as being unacceptable. It is more than unconditional love for a child because there are many parents that dismiss those of  their own as being unacceptable by society due to the child's actions and beliefs.

Hello? I hope my own children are reading . ... although I'm not the example of of unversal acceptance an unconditional love, I'm willing to be an example for their life story one day. In any case...

I'm a total fuck-up. I really am. In many ways, I am the worst nightmare of a potential in-law, parent or friend. But, to my family, I'm a loved fuck-up. To my greatest love, Pam, I am a fuck-up but have some quality that is endearing. Maybe my armpits smell like Pina Coladas ... I don't know, I'll take it.

But, am I embarrassed that my parents watch the Satan Channel? Fox News? No. Never. I wouldn't be embarrassed if my parents had an orgy with other AARP members on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. As a matter of fact, I'd be proud.

But, I would watch the news coverage or buy the video.

Open your mind. Speak your mind. Be yourself. But remember that life is a Pantone chart of colors and that neither black nor white is a color.

Peace, brethren.

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