Saturday, October 23, 2010

A Late Night Conversation

WHAT the hell are you doing awake? It's 2:45 in the morning?

Hey buddy... you gonna help me? You're my sidekick, right?

Me? I'm always awake. When you're sleepin',  I'm up ... you're playin with fire, ya know. When we're both up and kickin' we tend to spout off.

Yeah, but that's ok ... as long as the Downer and the bad side are asleep, we'll be ok.

So, what's on your mind? It's too late to be thinking about trivial shit, ya know?

Yeah ... but keep your voice down. ... the trivial shit has a way of waking up and nudging itself into my thoughts. I'm tryin' to stay sane and positive.

Did you lock the door? Did you wedge that fucker shut? You might wanna stuff the keyholes with toilet paper. You know how determined those killer thoughts  can be.

Yeah ... I have them locked up tightI think they have a lockpick kit that is directly synched to the mood of the ones I care about the most. When I'm feeling good and motivated, the shit invades through the feelings oof others.

Yeah, you're human. You care about the well-being of the ones you love. It ain't all about you, is it?

Uh .... no. I guess not. Does that mean I'm not a free spirit? Does that mean that I must surender myself to another's life's path and destiny?

Nah... you support those paths as they relate to your own but you never surrender yourself to another. You did once. Everyone surrenders themselves once ...

Can you tell me something? ... Since the three or four other voices in my head are snoozing ... I want to know why the ones who are supposedly looking out for my best interests are not listening to the ones they are looking out for.
Why is it that Lindsay Lohan, a drug addiict and alcoholic, is granted so many opportunities to get well when others with lesser offenses are given harsher punishment for lesser offenses. Why is it that people with diseases ... people without jobs... people without homes ... people that want to retire and enjoy life after a llifetime of service .. all have to cross their finger in the hope that who they cast a ballot for isn't filled with empty promises?

I'll yell ya ... I can count on my mother, father, sister, Pam and my five fingers to survive. And, when all are gone ... and I'll be gone long before any of  them, there will be nothing left to judge the honesty of an individual but the eyes and the crease in the cheeks.

You didn't answer my question .. you skirtin' the issues?

No.. I don't know the answer. Lindsay Lohan is obviously of importance to somebody besides her mama .. her coke dealer maybe?
Hey, shhhhh ... I don't wanna wake up the other voices  ,,, but, I was arrested and given a $50k bond for making a phone call .. I'm relatively sane ... are you implying that if I had been an extra in 'Herbie The Love Bug" I would have been released with a warning?

Shut up, Jeff. You are riff raff.

No, you are riff raff, left side. I've listened to you for long enough. You yap and yap and yap yet you say nothing that makes sense. You are the Fox News of psychology. My brain looks at you as being the drop zone of a rollercoaster but, in reality, you are the moment of anticipation that is erased by exhilaration.

Be glad the other voices are asleep at this late hour ... hope, promise and a wee bit of mania can rule the next twelve hours. Bring what you will after that ... I can sleep but I know my limits and I know my possibilities.

We will meet another day ... another hour ...

Yes we will. I'll be here . Come and get me ... but don't bring a catheter.


  1. You, yourself and all of the others in there are brilliant!

  2. Another unsolicited comment said you are "brilliant"....pretty damn close, except for one thing. You don't really have an idea of your capabilities, and you waste too much time slamming yourself. The gift of bipolar is there...but self medication is not the way to harness that gift/talent. You are so fortunate to have loving support (your description). Well, anyone who will be honest enough to tell you "you are angry", certainly doesn't want or deserve your worst, but simply your best which is fairly easy to give.
    Keep seems to let out all the demons (and anger)....and, it's great reading.