Friday, November 12, 2010

Jesse Jackson ... I ain't Black Either.

The following is a fictional, yet most-likely realistic account of a conversation with media whore ... uhh... minority voice ... Jesse jackson. Please feel free to read these words in your best Jesse accent, or, if you prefer, the accent of PeeWee Herman ...

"Uhhhh ... excuuuse me there, Solenoid... uhh... SolarRay ... what is it again? Oh yes, SOUL-a-Dad. You black, ain't ya girl? Ohhh Hells nahhh.. you ain't black! You know how I know you ain't black? 'Cause you got the skin fade like Michael Jackson. Now, Michael, he WAS black. He had a black mama and a black daddy and a shitload of black brothas and sistas. PLUS, his name was 'Jackson'. Now, that's a black name. O'Brien? Girlfriend, you're Irish, or Scottish or somethin'... but there ain't no black person on this planet named 'O'Brien'. Soooo... uhh... as the good book says, "To thine own self be true." I read that when I was marchin' with the good Dr. King. "

"You know Dr. King, dontcha? No? Oh, that's right, you're too young and half white which makes you biased towards the plight of the black race. Your mama probably remembers Dr. King. Look here... I have a picture of him standing on a balcony of a motel .. see him there? That's him back there. Yeah, yeah, that me beside him. I'm imPOtent ... uh huh ... I'm black so I have a right to tell you that you ain't really black ... "

"Yeah, girrrl ... You mama is black but yo daddy is 'the man'. Just having the 'Man's' blood in you means that you can't relate to the plight of the negro. Yeah, I said negro. I'm down wit the vernacular. I'm old-school."

"Listen, quasi-honky ... your daddy probably watched your mama to make the bed, change your diapers and cook dinner. Your mama probably acted like she enjoyed changing your diaper and feedin' your gray ass .. but, lister here, giiirrrl ... she was all the while picturing your diaper as a cotton bush and your daddy was the 'massa' ... "

"This ain't no 21st century or nothin' ... there ain't no equality. And, you ain't black. Matter of fact, you ain't white, neither. You're just a pretty face that is on TV. We have that in common, except that I ain't pretty. Come to think of it, I ain't black, either ... I'm a voice. Yeah, yeah girl... that's right. I'm a voice that screams, "Remember that my great-great-great pappy paved the roads that your posin' white ass rode in to work on."

"I, Jesse, have to call out the black folks who ain't humanly black ... the ones like you who try to live without remembering that we are a minority and we are treated like slaves whether we see it or not. The ones who can't understand that the 'Man' is suckering the black folks into a false sense of security by allowing us to think that we are equal. Oh, hells nah .. we ain't equal and I ain't gonn a let anyone forget that we're at war .. a race war."

"Solenoid, give it up, giirrrrlll. Or, at least change your name to 'Levitra' or 'Urethra'. You can even use the surname 'Jackson'. And damn, girlfriend, kink that hair ... if you gonna be a black girl, be a black girl. Represent, girlfriend."

... So saieth Jesse, as I interpret his idiocy ... judge for yourself ..

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