Saturday, November 13, 2010

A Real-Time Discussion With Myself With an OK Ending

:::: YaaaawwwnN :::  What tha ...? Crap, it's tomorrow already. There goes my daily goal of drifting off to sleep before the crack of tomorrow .. midnight. Well, I'm nothing if not consistent in my self-destructive body clock maintenance.

"Hey, you .... quitcherbitchen. Who says sleepin' has to be done in the dark? Pantywaist ... You know your mind kicks into gear sometime around 11:30PM and jumps from 1st gear to 6th gear ... like a Harley Superglide ... until roughly 3:30 AM. Why fight it?

I figured it'd be you. You're the caution to my wind and I'm throwin' you like rice at a wedding. We're compadres, you and I ... without me, you're a motivational slug and without you, I'm destined for meaningless obscurity. Meaningless obscurity is a shitload worse than plain 'ol obscurity, by the way.

"Wah, wah, wah ... always rationalizing, you are. Why can't you just accept that you are a Dodo of a different feather and grab life by the nads despite the time of day? Hell, man ... time isn't anything more than a means to judge one's progress, kapiche?... The 'suits' live in eight-hour increments ... you don't. You exist minute by minute. Time is irrelevant and you know it. But, if your shallow ass wants to really set your life to an imagined clock then, right now, in Japan, it's mid-morning tomorrow. So there, Sapporro and Sushi, Jefe-san .. Better?"

You're a smartass, aren't I? I'm thinkin' that somewhere there is a psychiatrist that would readily accept a patient that criticizes himself as a smartass by making smartass comments about his inner smartass's comments. I'm thinkin' that maybe I'd be a good subject for an up-and-coming mentalist. I can't pay, of course, but I would readily accept payment in some sort of clinical study program that would ensure that the shrink garners awards and accolades after curing my twisted mind. I'd need to have some sort of client/doctor pre-nup in place, though, since the odds are 7:1 that no cure will be discovered and the well-meaning doctor will end up sharing a room with me dressed in matching baby-blue pajamas at the county 'happy farm.'

"You're a dumbass ... no self-respecting shrink is gonna go crazy after evaluating you ... You really have a problem thinking that you're such a freakin' nutjob. Dick."

Uhhh , 'scuse me, me .. did I say that the good doctor went crazy? Noooo ... the good doctor ultimately gets it and is committed to the 'happy farm' because every one else is crazy and I'm sane. When he or she concedes his or her own perceived sanity and becomes enlightentened then he or she will be tossed into the pile of belittled outcasts. It is then that the good doctor and myself will share applesauce cups and make macaroni art that will speak to the unenlightened masses through their subconscious minds. Sheesh ... I'm not a nutjob, douchebag. You and I together, along with the squad sleeping in the closet at this late hour, each hold a piece of the universal 'Jumble' puzzle. When we all get together for a few moments once or twice a day we plainly see that what those in the world consider 'absurd' and 'crazy' are really the shiznit .. we see the anti-crazy .. the reality .. the truth. And, ya know what, my maniacal frontal lobe? Those who read this will disagree and call us crazy again. Many will, at least ... because we are misunderstood and considered to be 'off the deep end.' I happen to like the deep end. Diving into the shallow end'll hurt and paralyze ya ... Yeah, the deep end is good.

"Jefe Pene, you make a point ... but, it's now 2:00AM. Nobody makes points at 2:00AM unless the point involves a bar, a hot, inebriated redhead and your insistence that by utilizing your new "Male Sensory Breathalyzer" device that you have patented and carry in your pants, she will awake manana sans headache and with no recollection of embarrassment."

You see, me... you .. us ... this is why I have a love/hate relationship with you. You point out my faults and, without firing another neuron, allow me to see those faults as positives and jump ahead .. to pounce on life like an Ethiopian on a cracker.

"Ok, I'm the edgy one and even I see that that 'cracker' comment is gonna set someone off ... You and I are very much alike even though we live on opposite sides of the brain .. I don't travel back to your pineal gland too often but you sure as hell frequent my frontal lobe dressed in a fake mustache and leather chaps. I'm thinkin' that I might show up in the daylight hours if you figure out how to set the alarm ... There's hope for you .. no, us, all of us, yet. Dick.

Yeah, ok. I'm open to the idea of a peaceful coexistence. Just don't stand in the way of my ability to watch 'The Young and the Restless" at 12:30 each day. Billy Abbott is my bro-mate. Insane, I know.


1 comment:

  1. Boy. Last night at 2:29 AM I was changing a poopy diaper. You were much more productive! Thanks for the post, my freakin' nut-job Facebook friend. :-)