Saturday, November 6, 2010

Who I Am

Hello self ...

Hello you ...

You've been a bit selfish lately, eh?

Yeah ... I suppose I have.

Here you are, a man with nothing that has everything, yet you suspect that you are at the center of all problems that affect the very one who means everything to you. Asshole. You're not all that.

Hey, hey ... is it so bad to want to ensure the happiness of the one that brings me happiness? If she's not happy, then it's a reflection upon me and my ability. What good am I if I can't bring a smile  and comfort to the one I love the most?
I'm failing to provide the very basics ...

Jeff, your life has been the ultimate rollercoaster the last three years. Loops and dips and falls and tunnels .. yet, she has held fast to the handrail and screamed, whooped and puked with your every ride. Now, it's your turn to put your hands up and take the plunge.

You have wanted this from the beginning . .... you surrendered a lifestyle ... a family .. because of your belief that she is your soulmate. And, she is. And now, she is struggling ... she didn't love you any less when you were in jail. She didn't love you any less when you were on the fringe of sanity. She didn't love you any less when you were vicious in a drunken rage. She loved you then, despite your dipshitted-ness.

Grow up, dumbass. A little bit, at least. I know that you don't care if you die, but  she does. And, she needs you. And, you need her. You owe her everything. Ya know ... if ever you become known for anything, it won't be because of who you knew ...

Yeah, I know.  It'll be because of who I am. And who I am is only partly me. The rest is her. Pam.


  1. It takes quite a person to acknowledge being selfish...not an easy thing to do. And, while you consider yourself to be crazy (in some respects), evidently you need to quit trying to identify with the Belushi profile picture so you can appreciate what you have...and that's more than most.

  2. I identify with Belushi because of his sense of self ... Granted, the man self-destructed, but he never succumbed to the whims of those who claimed to know him better than he knew himself. I consider Belushi to be brethren ... and, as such, I learned from his life things that keep me from following the same path.

    Thanks for the comment ... If one can't be honest with him/her self then how can he/she have a life without limits?